“There is greatness in doing something you hate for the sake of someone you love.”
― Shmuley Boteach
Recently, I joined a committee. This committee is working to create a dance for adult couples in our church for Valentine’s Day. Basically, someone in leadership asked each of us on the committee if we would make this dance happen. Each of us said yes, we would take on this task and create the dance.
Here’s where things got interesting for me: at our first meeting the most vocal person on the committee obviously didn’t really want the dance to happen. He complained. Loudly. He was annoyed that this activity was happening. He felt burdened, because he knew that his wife would want to participate.
I walked away from the first meeting with sadness. Much of our meeting time involved this man’s frustration. His annoyance at being asked to attend a dance with his wife was out of proportion to the event. This one event, on one night out of the year, was clearly something he hated to contemplate. To me, it seemed a simple sacrifice of one evening that would offer great rewards to the relationship.
For the Sake of Someone You Love
I share this story because I hope that you can learn what I learned. I don’t know the man in question well. It may be that he is very generous in doing things for the sake of his wife. This experience is only a small snapshot that taught me something. Often, we face opportunities to do something we hate for the sake of someone we love. Do we embrace the opportunity? Or do we grumble and complain?
We can choose to do things for the sake of those we love. Doing so is an act of greatness.
“Truth is, no two people are completely compatible. We have to learn to become one. That means we may have to make sacrifices; we may may have to overlook some things. We must be willing to compromise for the good of the relationship.” -Joel Osteen
In life, we like to feel like we are right. We like to win. I know that I like to be right. I like to win. It is a common part of being human. But sometimes, we need to realize that our relationships are more important than the part of us that likes to be right, to win. Especially our marriage relationship.
Compromise to Become One
Sometimes we need to move past our own personal preferences and find a place where we can compromise as a couple. There is often middle ground in which we can negotiate. If we can drop our desire to get our own way long enough to look for the middle ground, it is usually pretty easy to find.
Moving Beyond Compromise
Even better than compromise is a new solution that both marriage partners are happy with. It is really lovely when we are able to come together and find something better for everyone. Even though this isn’t always possible, it should be our goal.
Do you have a current disagreement that is about being right more than the relationship? Can you come up with a better solution together? I know that you can, just like I can.
Recently, one of my daughters was struggling to attend church. It wasn’t a faith issue, but a struggle with feeling like she had friends. After weeks of trying to encourage her to approach things differently, I decided to try something new: a compliment battle. I issued a challenge. Whichever one of us could compliment or
A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.-John Gray
A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.-John Gray
Where Does Our Sense of Self come from?
John Gray, who I quoted above, wrote the book Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. Over a decade ago, I had the opportunity to hear John Gray speak in person. He has a lot of wise things to say about men and women. His book, although it has been out for a while, has some valuable information about how people operate in relationships. I find these quotes about where men and women gain their sense of self informative.
Of course, results, feelings, and the quality of relationships are important to all of us. However, I do think that men and women prioritize these things differently. Does this ring true for you? Do you agree with John Gray?
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