Building Relationships

“There is greatness in doing something you hate for the sake of someone you love.”
― Shmuley Boteach

Recently, I joined a committee. This committee is working to create a dance for adult couples  in our church for Valentine’s Day.  Basically, someone in leadership asked each of us on the committee if we would make this dance happen. Each of us said yes, we would take on this task and create the dance.

Here’s where things got interesting for me: at our first meeting the most vocal person on the committee obviously didn’t really want the dance to happen. He complained. Loudly. He was annoyed that this activity was happening. He felt burdened, because he knew that his wife would want to participate.

I walked away from the first meeting with sadness. Much of our meeting time involved this man’s frustration. His annoyance at being asked to attend a dance with his wife was out of proportion to the event. This one event, on one night out of the year, was clearly something he hated to contemplate. To me, it seemed a simple sacrifice of one evening that would offer great rewards to the relationship.

For the Sake of Someone You Love

I share this story because I hope that you can learn what I learned. I don’t know the man in question well. It may be that he is very generous in doing things for the sake of his wife. This experience is only a small snapshot that taught me something. Often, we face opportunities to do something we hate for the sake of someone we love. Do we embrace the opportunity? Or do we grumble and complain?

We can choose to do things for the sake of those we love. Doing so is an act of greatness.

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“Truth is, no two people are completely compatible. We have to learn to become one. That means we may have to make sacrifices; we may may have to overlook some things. We must be willing to compromise for the good of the relationship.” -Joel Osteen

In life, we like to feel like we are right. We like to win. I know that I like to be right. I like to win. It is a common part of being human. But sometimes, we need to realize that our relationships are more important than the part of us that likes to be right, to win. Especially our marriage relationship.

Compromise to Become One

Sometimes we need to move past our own personal preferences and find a place where we can compromise as a couple. There is often middle ground in which we can negotiate. If we can drop our desire to get our own way long enough to look for the middle ground, it is usually pretty easy to find.

Moving Beyond Compromise

Even better than compromise is a new solution that both marriage partners are happy with. It is really lovely when we are able to come together and find something better for everyone. Even though this isn’t always possible, it should be our goal.

Do you have a current disagreement that is about being right more than the relationship? Can you come up with a better solution together? I know that you can, just like I can.

 

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Recently, one of my daughters was struggling to attend church. It wasn’t a faith issue, but a struggle with feeling like she had friends. After weeks of trying to encourage her to approach things differently, I decided to try something new: a compliment battle. I issued a challenge. Whichever one of us could compliment or

A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.-John Gray

A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.-John Gray

Where Does Our Sense of Self come from?

John Gray, who I quoted above, wrote the book Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. Over a decade ago, I had the opportunity to hear John Gray speak in person. He has a lot of wise things to say about men and women. His book, although it has been out for a while, has some valuable information about how people operate in relationships. I find these quotes about where men and women gain their sense of self informative.

Of course, results, feelings, and the quality of relationships are important to all of us. However, I do think that men and women prioritize these things differently. Does this ring true for you? Do you agree with John Gray?

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Behaviors that we focus on grow. So take some time today to focus on the good parts of marriage. If you are married, today is a good day for appreciating all that your spouse does for you. Take a marriage moment. Just for this day, focus on all the good and great things your spouse

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In life, we don’t have to do everything on our own. Sometimes we get so busy with projects and things that it seems like we must be alone. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Other people can add value to our plans, goals, dream, and ideas. Truly, there is strength in numbers. Strength

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Books, Friendship, and Healing

This past weekend was so amazing! For a couple years I’ve been part of a book-loving group on Facebook. We have exchanged books, read together, and shared book lists. Over a year ago, some of us began to discuss the idea of meeting together in real life. The dream was a weekend of reading, socializing,

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Last year was a difficult one for me. My husband was deployed for 9 months, which meant he missed most of the birthdays and holidays. He deployed in early summer, and as we approached the winter I found myself simply going through the motions. I was so tired. Since he was on the other side

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Mother's Retreat

This past weekend was our annual mother’s retreat. This year we had 9 ladies up for the weekend, and we stayed in a small cabin in Karney Lakes, Idaho. The view from the cabin was fabulous, but the weather was a bit chilly and we did have some rain. However, we were good company for

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When I was a young girl, Anne Shirley and Diana Barry created quite a conundrum for me. I longed for the kind of friendship I saw play out in the pages of L. M. Montgomery’s classic stories. The loyalty and long friendship that Diana and Anne displayed was something my girlish heart yearned for. Full